Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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