just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
