I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
