i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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