The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
