Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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