Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
