i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
