She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
