I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
