Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
