It's Friday. Sex?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
