Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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