I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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