U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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