how hairy? two words: wookie tits
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
