Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I will pee on everything he values.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
