Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
