ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
