If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
