So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
