I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
