Duck Duck Cougar?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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