I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he shaved USA in his pubs
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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