I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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