I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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