i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
