Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
All I want is dick and wine.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
