I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
