So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
