I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Buhtt sex?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
