8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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