Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
