is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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