her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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