I just pynch a tree in the face
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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