also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
