4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
