i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize