This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
