I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
