You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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