It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize