that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
