you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
