I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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