it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
