your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
