I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize