she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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