the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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