In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
