In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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