If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
