I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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