Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
