And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
