I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
