Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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