I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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