Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
