Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
