my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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