Having a random hookup so left but love u
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
