Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
