Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
