3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
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