he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
