Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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