I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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