Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
