he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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