I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
