I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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