Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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