So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
