my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
