quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
