she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
