Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
