Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
