If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
