Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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