Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
