if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
