Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
