bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
