he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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