I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
