You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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