This is not my ceiling
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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