Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
