You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
