I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
