The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
