awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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